Because I Said So

Director: Michael Lehmann Rating: 0
Cast: Mandy Moore, Diane Keaton, Gabriel Macht, Tom Everett Scott, Lauren Graham, Piper Perabo

How in the hell does the director of “Heathers” go on to do “Hudson Hawk”, “My Giant” and now “Because I Said So”?

Wow … I mean … Wow.

Before I get on to defecating all over this film, let me just clear my throat … mmmm, Mandy Moore … mmmm.

Okay, onto the tirade.

“Because I Said So” is one of the worst films I’ve seen in the last year and probably should have gone straight to DVD.

The basic premise is that somehow, Mandy Moore hasn’t found a guy to settle down with (call me!) and her overbearing mother (Keaton) sets her up on a date with what she thinks is the perfect guy (Scott).

At the same time, another guy (Macht) has gotten wind of Keaton’s scheme and decides to step in and date the lovely lass.

This creates the proverbial dilemma of choosing between one’s heart and Mom’s favorite. Though to be realistic, replace the word “proverbial” with “stupid”.

Of course, at some point the cat is let out of the bag and Moore finds out her Mom is behind her romantic escapades and all gosh darn heck breaks loose … not that it mattered because by then I was sort of hoping for a power outage.

The writing in this piece of garbage is atrocious, the setups are annoying and Keaton’s character is so frustrating you would think it more plausible that the daughters form a pact to kill and bury her rather than put up with all of the crap she pulls.

Hell, even the best scene in the film, where the daughters are stripped down to their bra and panties (mmmm) is ruined by Keaton’s presence and likewise appearance (ewww).

I really wanted to like this film because I’m developing a decent sized crush on Moore (sadly I just realized that’s a pun on one of her songs but please don’t mock me right now, I’m very fragile).

However, there really isn’t any liking to be done in the film. The chemistry between Scott and Moore is poor and while the Moore-Macht storyline is kinda cute, it in no way makes up for the rest of the filth.

I could probably go on and on, dissecting each scene and revomiting each time I think of it but I’d rather just move on. No one reading this is going to see it and if you were planning to, just go online and grab the screen captures of Mandy.

They’re the only things going in this one. I thought long and hard about it but I’m going to deliver the dreaded bag of hammers on “Because I Said So”. A 0 out of 5, this is the kind of film that reminds me that Hollywood would be better off either giving me the money for the production or burning it along with the script.

I desperately wanted to give it a 1 for Mandy’s presence alone but I just couldn’t do it. (Though she can still call me whenever she wants.)